Changing and Learning
During the two and a half years that I have been on extended maternity leave I have been learning so much about little people, and indeed myself. The unconditional ease with which you prioritise, as though your life depends on it, another human being over and above your own needs. The compromising of so many of your own personal pleasures to ensure, as best as you are able, the unshakable confidence and all-encompassing happiness of someone else. The brief moments free of responsibility when you can sneak to your beloved exercise class, when childcare, energy levels and mummy guilt allow. The management of your own emotions to remind yourself, during their countless strops, tantrums, “accidents”, kicks and harsh words, that “I am the adult”; they are learning how to assert, and communicate for, themselves whilst dealing with a developing set of skills and emotions to articulate just the right words to explain how it is that they really feel. And the love. Overwhelming, heart aching, heart breaking love.
And yet at night, and during nap times, I realise now, there is a very large part of me that I haven’t compromised or lost: The hard working, determined, financially independent Barrister come Corporate and Executive Coach. Whilst the period of time I have spent away from Chambers may have been unusually long, I have been working creatively, strategising in an unconventional way and keeping those little people at the core of my very being. One of the top 5 regrets of the dying is “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” People don’t look back at life wishing they’d spent less time with their kids.
This morning I left my youngest in nursery childcare for the first time. Great things afoot for us both, I have no doubt.
And yet, when I returned home, I was initially overwhelmed with the feeling of being an inconsequential speck looking out upon a vast and endless ocean.
Change of State
Then this. A change in my perspective; a positive change of state. This ocean is one of endless possibilities and opportunities, not to fear or by which to feel belittled. Embrace it and feel energised by it.
I’m at my desk now, sowing and consistently watering the seeds. Over time, it will bear fruit. “You got this”.
The Power of Coaching
If you would like to explore how Coaching can be used to find positive focus and renewed clarity, please message me for further information.